This Can Be Simple.

You're filled with brilliance.
You truly inspire me.
Where would I be without you now?
My heart was empty, I was an empty vessel.
I was just waiting for the day when I would pass on.
Going through the cycled motions of my life.
You changed me.
For the better, I've never felt so alive.
All my emotions take over my mind, leaving me utterly speechless at times.
How can you do this to me?
You have the power I thought no one else had over me.
It scares me at times, because what would I do without you here?
How could I handle myself alone again?
I simply couldn't.
Being without you seems insane.
You've brought out so much of me.
My innocence, my sin, my everything.
Nothing is left unsaid with you.
Nothing is left barren.
It's like looking at something so beautiful it makes you want to cry.
Like you're searching for the perfect words or imagery to describe it. And you can't.You're jumbled in your own mind. Confused almost.
It's unexplainable.
Happiness is with you.
Happiness from you makes me want to cry.
It makes me sing and dance and jump around like a child.
I've never met anyone so clever and on the ball like you.
Words flow out of your mouth that make my heart flutter.
I feel the realness of your love.
I know I am young.
Most people think its naive.
But, love doesn't come with a certain age.
How would they know that?
They don't.
Feelings like this only come once in a lifetime.
When you can connect with a person instantly and be almost infatuated with them.
And you are their whole world.
They would drop anything for you.
Because they do care and love you.
That's what I have.
Most people my age are susceptible to these feelings.
In my case it's different.
I feel like guarding my love.
I never want this feeling to go away.
I will do anything, and I mean anything to keep it forever.
Without this, I would be a cowering nothing.
And I know no one has pity for a coward.
I have let go of a lot of things holding me back in life.
To finally welcome in true love.
People have let me go, left me alone, just to fufill their own lives.
But those things don't matter to me anymore.
Except for love.
His love.

Letting Go.

Growing up.
Tough subject for many people my age.
It happens to the best of us, which can be good and bad.
There are things like that are involved in growing up..
Like sex, alcohol, drugs, changing friends, changing mindsets, more serious school work etc.
For me it's a love/hate relationship with growing up.
It's like having an epiphany constantly.
You notice how you think you have friends.
But when they finally get there own life, they leave you behind.
They get jobs and cars and a new set of friends that fit their new lifestyle.
And they leave you and supposedly all the good times behind.
Then you realize who really loves you.
I am lucky to actually have a love and a best friend in one.
He is my everything.
I wouldn't trade him for the world.
Honestly, without him I wouldn't be living.
I know that is weird and outrageous to say, but it is true.
I'm not one to lie about things.
I just have to get used to this "letting go" thing.
I mean it's a work in progress, and I think I am working well at it.
The feeling of being left behind, kind of makes me sick on the inside.
And very angry, almost furious.
I tried so hard to make certain things work.
But people are selfish and think about their own well-being instead of someone who actually cares.
I just hate trying to meet someone halfway and they don't even show up at all.
Sucky feeling? I know. I get it a lot.
I just want to live the rest of my life with one person that will make me happy.
And I will!!
:)

Two Evils. "These Are My Twisted Words."

Evil One:
Most call her evil. Conceited and vain, no one to care for but herself. She craves the attention of other's constantly. It's almost pathetic. People who don't know her just see her beauty and charm upfront, they never thinking about what lies underneath that skin. But I've seen this true beast at it's worst. This beast is vile, manipulative, cruel and no one can see. Except me. She wasn't always like this, she used to be my loyal friend, that person that was almost like a twin. Now I would never in my whole life want to be like her. She has gone through this transformation, into something evil. The people's lives she has messed with and the torture she has put them through, could never get me to comprehend why? Why do people find entertainment at other's expense? Quite quizzical? Yes. But I am trying to figure her out. This is what makes Evil One so confusing. But I know how to defeat Evil One, she has this fear of being alone, that I can make her. When I do leave Evil One alone, instead of a beast she is a scared little lamb quivering under the mess she put herself into. I feel like I am letting this beast get out of control, I could stop it whenever I wanted, but I haven't...

Evil Two:
Evil two is like a leech sucking onto the lives of her victims. She never knows when to quit. This is what she's good at. This is what makes her, herself. She will never let go of the past, it kills her on the inside. She won't stop until everything is completely destroyed. Or is she all bark and no bite? She thinks she is in control. She thinks she is so powerful. Strong people don't ruin other's lives for entertainment, strong people don't have so much hatred or resent towards people. Strong people have the courage to express themselves and stand up for themselves maturely. Strong people don't barge into people's lives and try to make themselves a place. What I see here is a coward. I'm not afraid of you. Do your worst. It's not like I haven't seen or met someone like you before. You would be one out of the list of many. I will never be afraid of you. You think you have a grip on my life? Well I'm sorry dear but it's a bit too late for that. I AM in control of this. Good luck to you, Evil Two...

She doesn't know

Ang ilan sa ikaw ay tulad hypocrites. Hindi ko na tumayo sa parehong kuwarto sa iyo paminsan-minsan. Ito lamang ay gumagawa kaya galit na galit sa akin kung paano humawak ng mga tao. It really pisses me off. Minsan ko lang gusto mong sabihin sa mga tao kung paano ka tunay ay, lumantad na ang madilim na gilid ng iyo. Ngunit kung sino ang naniniwala sa akin? Tanging ang realest ang mga tao kung ano ako tungkol sa pakikipag-usap. Ikaw ay tulad ng isang pekeng, kayo manabik nang labis ang lahat na ito ng pansin. Ikaw ang tumigil sa harap ng anuman sa mga crush ng mga tao. Gusto say you're pretty masama. Makipag-usap tungkol sa sarili absorption, maari kong ibigay sa iyo ng isang mirror at makikita mo ito para sa iyong sarili. Ako tunay may sakit ng lahat ng ito. Paglalagay ng mga tao sa pamamagitan ng sakit na ito ay hindi isang libangan. Ang buong pariralang "Mukhang ay maaaring decieving" Tama ang sukat sa inyo perfectly. Umaasa ako sa ibang araw malalaman mo kung ano ang ilalagay sa mga tao sa pamamagitan. At hanggang pagkatapos Umaasa ako na hindi ka saktan ng kahit sino sino pa ang paririto.

A dream I had about a girl......

She is tired.
Tired of trying to reach for the hopes that have always been taken from her.
Emotions run high for this fragile soul, making her vulnerable for all.
Enough was enough, her mind was just to weak and selfish.
She staggers into an empty room.
The sound of her sobs seem to echo throughout the room.
Her head is throbbing, her heaves seem to be too much for her frail body.
Placing herself onto the middle of the floor.
She looks up at the bare ceiling.
As if it had eyes, staring right back at her.
The tears run down her cheeks.
Making her makeup look like ink blots on her pale cheeks.
Her hand cups around the flame of her lighter.
The cigarette catches fire quickly, she hopes this one will last.
Everything was beginning to slow down.
Dragging on the last puff of her cigarette, seemed to take a lifetime.
The smoke came out like a messy cloud.
All jumbled and cluttered, like a huge piece of cotton candy.
It made her laugh silently to herself.
Ashes soon dropped to the floor, and the whole room was cloudy.
She closes her eyes and tries to grip the floor.
Blue glitter from her nail polish falls off as it scraped the pavement.
Her chest falls up and down. The motions were getting slower and slower as the smoke left the room.
She felt the frigid cold surround her body. And all her troubles floated away from her body.
Finally it all stopped.
She opened her eyes, and she was sitting ontop of a grassy hill.
Instead of cold, she was surrounded by the warm grass.
The breeze carried the longer strands and they seemed to caress her frail body.
As she looked in front of her, she gazed into a beautiful sunset.
Bright pinks and oranges seemed to collide in the sky
The pink made her think of cotton candy, and she smiled.
And laughed silently to herself as the sun dropped down towards the earth.
The End.

Living in your shadow.

For everyone growing up you know it's hard for your parents to deal with that fact.
And it's even harder when your constantly living in their shadow.
Even though I'm sixteen years old, I can't really have independance unless you monitor me?
I'm not going to go out and have a baby and get a tattoo of Jimi Hendrix on my back.
I have common sense. I'm not stupid and you should know that I'm your child.
And for you to be right about everything it really gets under my skin.
They have to argue with you about the littlest things and they have to be right.
Me-"Asia is it's own country."
Parents- "No it's not."
Me- "Well I think I would know, I have seen it on maps plenty of times."
Parents-"I don't think so..."
Me-"Can you just google it!"
Parents-"Well I guess you are right."
Yes folks....I was right. Score one for me!
I know this whole blog sounds so angsty and angry.
But I am really fed up with living in their shadow and not being able to be right for a change.
Just because a 16 year old girl told you otherwise doesn't make you less of a person.
Can you swallow your pride for at least a day?
I wish I could tell them.
But that's one conversation I know I will lose. Or they wouldn't get my point.
What I'm trying to say is mis padres are very stubborn.
Stubborn like donkeys.
#$%!^$#&#%&#%*$%*%#*$W^@#$^%@#$%@#$%#@%@#$%

Here is the let go...from my brain to yours

Summer just began.
It's June 8th for those of you that don't know.
I have been getting mixed signals from people and mixed emotions from myself as well. I've had so many ordeals, that I've had to pass throughout my sophomore year. It's amazing counting the times I should of been broken down mentally, but it's weird how I looked past it and kept it from getting to me.
Close to the end of school I was a bit sad but excited for summer to come at the same time.
I had to realize that some things change and you can't reverse the past to where you were most happy.
I'm sorry if I'm being a downer, but friends change and you'll have to accept it one way of another. It's when they drift away it gets really hard to cope with.
You remember the good days and get this amazing feeling inside and question if you'll ever have these feelings again. Examples like late summer nights, favorite road trip songs, boring days of nothing, eating too much, jamming out to songs and making them up as you go. I guess I'll just have to make new memories with new people.
It's just so different now that it feels foreign.
So foreign that it makes you want to break down and cry. But I'm not going to blubber about this anymore. I just have to let it go. Things never stay like you want them to, that's the hard thing. Once you get over that bump, your on the way to recovery.
I just want a lot of different things. Sounds selfish but, people don't really know what its like just being the girl with the pretty face.
Sounds glamorous but it really does blow a lot.
I could use somebody who actually can talk to me about anything and share feelings and opinions with me. Instead of someone telling me how "hot" I am or how they want to be my boyfriend or something along those lines. I just have heard so much like that, I don't know whats real and whats fake from guys anymore. So it makes me this vulnerable little wreck almost. I just want it all to go away. I just can't really channel my emotions well anymore. I just have to work on it, I guess. But ta-ta for now I will continue later.
PEACE.